


Wonderland - a Xmas fic!

by ChaiYan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21962116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaiYan/pseuds/ChaiYan
Summary: Ivan is back from Stalingrad. He deserted the life that he could thought he could thrive in. He comes back to a forgotten name, honour and lover. All he has now, he needs.
Relationships: America/Russia (Hetalia)
Kudos: 12





	Wonderland - a Xmas fic!

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you have a wonderful day.

The warm streams of light from within the lodge bedazzled the blanket of thick snow forming over the landscape. Yet, this ethereal picture was ruined by the crackling of twigs as they snapped beneath one Russian’s heavy boots, laced with water and sludge, speckled with small dashes of mud that had not been washed away with the snow. His face, almost as pale as the snow itself, huddled under a уша́нка, but his eyes were still raw and red-rimmed. As the house came into view, his dark violet eyes warmed to the light, pupils quivering at the sight of the window with his sisters inside. Stalingrad had beaten him down, thinned him, and dissolved him. He was recognisable still, but hardly. His body did not look big enough to hold his own bones and he looked lankier than when he had left.

His feet stopped at the door, wondering what could be going through his sisters’ mind, as well as what on earth would be going through it when she saw his figure in the doorway. Cautiously, he raised his hand to know, the knuckles firm to pound on the sturdy wood, but dropped to his side again. Ivan sighed, his long breaths heating up the glass. Instead, he moved his hand to the latch, the epidermis of his skin dancing over the surface, wondering whether this was a mistake or not.

5 months. It had been a mere 5 months ever since Ivan had seen his sisters. A mere 5 months had broken him. Disgusting. He had seen them wave him away at the gates of the camp. He had seen his lover wave him away for the last time that day. He remembered the American so vividly before but his memories ran bleak now. It was summer then. Warm, warm summer could never be reciprocated in the long two years that he had crossed the Soviet land, starting from Moscow and travelling down through Saratov. Those feelings can never be repeated, reciprocated or even remembered. He could never repeat the bursts of aggression that had pulsed throughout his entire body as he ran wildly at German gunfire, not stopping or glancing to look at his fellow men that had fallen down behind him in a wilting heap of dust and blood. Ivan did not remember their faces, or their names. The sun had pressed down on the back of his neck, warning him of his mistakes. The bang of gunfire was to never rattle in his ears again, whether it had been one of his friends taking a bullet to the neck, or one of his friends cowering at the feet of a Soviet commander that loomed over so many of them mercifully. Ivan had forgotten them as Alfred had forgotten him by now.

They lived in the desolation of Siberia. Beneath the tall trees was their little house that they peacefully shared. It was always Katyusha, Ivan and Natalya that had lived on the land. Who was before that? Their mother and father. Who was before that? Grandmother and grandfather.

Ivan had escaped from the front, delved into the shadows, deserted from the honour that was bestowed on him. He had not fulfilled anything that he should have. On this Christmas Eve, he felt like a coward. The feeling struck him with every footstep that he had taken up each mountain and beside each stream. How could he turn back now? In every direction that he looked was the crumbling pride and his dishonour towards himself and his comrades.

He paused, raisins his hand again and knocking firmly on the door, his hand dropping soon after. He was shaking (not because of the cold) and he could feel his heart speed up at the slight twitches of movement from inside.

Katyusha opened the door, stopping dead in her tracks at her brother. Her mouth dropped open suddenly, the frosty breath coming out instead of any words, forming swirling clouds of hot air between them. She reached out and touched his arm with her knuckles, sliding them down the frost-bitten material. “Alfred sent you a letter.” She pushed out, clutching her own forearms lightly.

Ivan nodded “I threw it away.”

“Why?” Katyusha whispered “Why did you throw it away?”

“I-I… I did not love him. I know that it was wrong of me to do so… To see him again… especially now… I just could not do it. I know that his love has been long overdrawn.” Ivan’s eyes were soaked in tears, bubbling and overflowing from their ridges “I thought that you would invite him here for Christmas but I am happy that you did not. “ He paused sharply “I said goodbye to him in Moscow… a-and… I do not know what he would say if I wrote and told him that I came back. I think he left a couple of months ago. He told me that he did not know whether I was dead or alive… and that he was going to return to America.”

“They let you go?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Katyusha sucked in breath “He will be disappointed that he will not hear from you.”

“Yes, he will.” Ivan nodded “I didn’t want to leave him without a formal goodbye… but I think that he must have moved on by now. There are plenty of men and women in New York.”

Katyusha nodded, the tears starting to sparkle on her red cheeks, crystallizing her bright irises with their water “I am so happy you are home.”

“Sister?” Natalya asked from the living room “Who is it?”

“I-It’s…” Katyusha could hardly string together a sentence “It is Ivan. He has cone back.”

Natalya appeared at the door “Brother? Is it really-“ Ivan smiled at her “You?”

“I missed you both so much.” Ivan’s voice shook.

Natalya rushed into a hug “I missed you too. Come inside, it is warm.” Katyusha closed the door behind him as he entered “Nothing has changed. We kept waiting every day for a letter…”

“We never received one. We had wondered if it had gotten lost; if you were even alive anymore; or that you had simply forgotten. But that… It does not matter… We waited for you.” Katyusha ambled over to them, pulling them both into a tearful hug.

Natalya took Ivan’s shaking hand “Nothing changed, Brother. Nothing ever will. It will always just be us three hanging onto each other at the end.”


End file.
